April Moon 14: Day 9-10-11 -- Yearning, Secret, Reflection

Yearning

What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?

Memories, memories....while I really can't say I yearn for the 'good ol' days' that were, indeed, not usually all that good, there are some things I miss. My parents, for one -- being able to pick up the phone and call them, hear their voices, or visit and feel those loving arms around me. There were times, often at holidays, when being with those I loved so dearly was almost unbearably poignant, even when the very next moment could bring a melt-down or create an uncomfortable tension. There was a lot of stress, though, usually in things not being said, and I do not miss that at all. 

I could say I yearn for simpler times, but really, my life right now is pretty simple, and really good -- with the exception of some pesky health issues that cause some stress and worry.

Sometimes I yearn for the ocean, and then we usually take a trip to rejuvenate our watery Scorpio selves, but that's going to have to wait for a little bit until we get some of this health stuff resolved. I love the sound, the smell, the constancy of the waves, the way I know exactly where I am.

When I feel yearning for something, I try to analyze what is triggering the longing: is it remembering times now gone? Is it a need unfulfilled in my life, and if so, what is that need, and what can I do about it? Is it just frustration with the way the day is going? Then I take a deep breath, and remember all the wonderful things I have to be grateful for, and bless the memory or the feeling.

Secret

What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you?

I am not a big keeper of secrets. If anything, I am probably a bit too open about my life and feelings, and that's certainly come back to bite me in the past. However, I certainly can keep them tightly locked up, and there are a couple that I've held very close. When something is told to me in confidence, I will honor that -- actually, I've sometimes learned about a 'secret' someone shared with me that turned out to be fairly common knowledge but that never passed my lips!

I don't much like secrets. I think they hamper honest communication and create barriers. I don't even much like secrets like surprise parties, but that's primarily because I hate being blindsided. And I hate being lied to, especially when I can tell that a person is not being forthcoming. I would rather know the truth, no matter how awful, than hear any lie.

Reflection

What feelings does this word evoke? What sorts of memories does it recall? Which of your senses start to tingle? How would you represent what this word means to you? 

Reflection is sort of like Monday-morning quarterbacking: you think about something that happened or that  you said, and then you think about all the OTHER ways the scene could have played out, or all the (better) things you might have said or done.

While I think there are real truths and lessons to be found in reflecting upon actions and words -- re-examining them from different angles and perspectives, especially with some time gone by -- there is a danger in doing too much of that and in the process diluting the lesson, even to the point of unhealthy obsession.

I confess to doing too much reflection, especially when I have time to ponder, and it usually leads to judgmental thinking, mostly negative. Somehow I usually come up with the shoulda-coulda-wouldas that could have changed an outcome, and often I am critical of my own behavior.

So the key is to find the lesson therein; be gentle with myself and then to let it go, not coming back over and over like a dog with a big, gnarly bone. Reflection is good; obsession is not.